Therapy Session Leads to Short Story
A transcription of a conversation with my therapist, July 2012
Therapist: So in summary, what you seem to be saying is that you’re still holding onto the humiliation you felt as a teenager.
Me: Well, duh. Isn’t everyone?
T: No, not really. Many people are able to, in time, embrace their childhoods. You can get there too.
Me: No fricking way. There is no way you’re going to tell me that I’ll be able to embrace the time I offered to carry Brittney Wright’s books, and she told me I was too scrawny.
T: You asked a girl to carry her books? What decade were you living in?
T: Cuz seriously, that sounds like something straight out of Leave it to Beaver. You must have struck out a lot in high school, huh?
Me: Well, yeah. In dating, and, um...baseball, too, I guess. Other stuff. Can we change topics?
T: You know, maybe you're right. I’m not sure I can help you to embrace your childhood. Unless...
Me: Unless what? Doc, you gotta help me! My face breaks out at the mention of tater tots. I panic when I have to unhook a bra, even when no one’s wearing it! For the love of all that’s holy, what should I do?
T: Write about it.
Me: Write about it! That’s brilliant! I’ll write a short story, get it published and parlay that into a novel, and it’ll beat out John Green for the “Awesome Kickass Young-Adult Novel of the Year” award.
T: Um...yeah, if that’s the extent of your vocabulary, you might want to...
Me: Too late, Mr. Therapist. I’m ready. I’m ready to reveal the suckiness of teenagedom in all its glory!