College Costs: the Game-Changer

College campus tours.  Early action and early decision admissions.  Net price calculators.  Online-applications.  Annual costs exceeding annual salaries for many American families.  Graduates with mortgages, minus the home.

I haven’t even dipped my toe in the cesspool of the college admissions process for my children, but already I anticipate drowning in it.  In two years time, I suspect that managing my twin daughters’ college application process will drive me to the brink of insanity.

But talking to friends who are currently knee-deep in deferments, financial aid applications, scholarship and grants is interesting to me.  From a distance, it’s all very fascinating.  There’s a rhythm associated with the college application process that’s oddly compelling, akin to understanding the tax code in hopes of maximizing your return.  There’s terminology to learn, rules to understand, and advantages to be gained, as if there’s a hidden code that can be cracked to set you on the road to success.

In fact, I love to talk about the current college process, as long as it’s with people whose kids aren’t mine.  When I consider my own children, the process begins to sound stressful, overwhelming and ridiculous.

In the fall of 1985, when I applied to a grand total of one university, none of the current complexities were on anyone’s radar.  Not only had I never toured the University of Wisconsin, but my entire experience at UW was a football game during which I focused on the cheerleaders and a two-week camp that confined me to a sliver of the campus.  Neither my parents nor I ever entertained the idea of touring universities.  No one even suggested it.  My parents didn’t nag me about what I wanted to be in life or where I wanted to study.  And costs weren’t much of a concern.  Even working for the minimum wage of $3.35 an hour, I could easily save enough money during the summer to pay for at least a semester of tuition at UW.

My oh my, how times have changed.  And costs.  College costs are a game-changer.  No longer can people afford to have little Johnny attend a school he’s never visited to earn a degree he’s never heard of before.  Now kids have to grow up and grow up fast.  Don’t know what you want to be when you grow up?  Start looking.  Study the projections, or you might just wind up in the field with the highest unemployment of recent college graduates (do you know what it is?  Read on.).

The idea of attending a university to learn how to learn, to study the classics, to understand the world around you – that’s a hard sell when the prospect of graduating with over a hundred thousand dollars in debt looms over you like a death eater at Azkaban.

Several years ago I had a drink with a guy who said that when his children go to college, they’re going to have to show him the job statistics that support their preferred major.  I found this idea absurd.  “What if your child wants to become an archeologist?” I said.  “Show me the numbers,” he countered.  “If you can’t get a job in that field, then you have to change majors.”

I walked away thinking this was one narrow-minded guy.   And yet...

In the last decade, how many fathers watched their sons and daughters do what they wanted to do in college only to become one of the ever growing number of unemployed architects?  Yes, that’s right.  A major in architecture, according to a study quoted in TIME Magazine, has the highest unemployment of recent college graduates.

So now my drinking companion seems like a genius, years ahead of his time.

Of course, predicting the job market is messy at best, and you never know if your kid could be one of the few to obtain a foothold in the profession of his or her choice.  And while I’m certainly not advocating pushing children to major in something they have no interest in, I am advocating sharing with your children the realities that to them are no more tangible than their mortality.

Consider asking your son or daughter the following question: “How much debt do you suppose you can graduate with and still manage okay?”  It’s a good question.  Let’s say your child says something like $50k, not an unreasonable amount.  Okay. 

But your child has no concept of what $50k is.  None.  Do you?  What is fifty thousand dollars? 

Fifty thousand dollars is a $580 dollar per month payment for the next ten years at 7 percent.  And you still don’t have a building to live in, a car to drive, a place to park, food to eat, electricity, water, cable, internet, heat or anything else.  Furthermore, student loan debt is the one debt that can’t be discharged through bankruptcy.  And one day you’ll find someone to marry, and in all likelihood, he or she will also have loans of $580 a month, maybe more.  What if you marry a doctor, or worse – a doctor of philosophy who’s racked up $120,000 in debt ($1400 per month) and who’s selling extended warranties at Best Buy?

Sounds crazy, but read October 17, 2011’s issue of TIME Magazine, and you’ll learn that these numbers are not at all far-fetched.  There are graduates right now who, like the country they live in, are never going to be out of debt.  Ever.

Things look pretty bleak, and they're not necessarily going to get better, but there a few things parents and students can do to make life a little less painful.  I’ll discuss this next week.

Milwaukee Brewers Season Preview

The following will appear Full Spectrum Baseball in the near future.

Any optimism the NL Central champion Brewers had going into the winter meetings was attenuated with news of MVP Ryan Braun’s potential fifty game suspension.  Now that this threat is over, the Crew goes into spring training with a buoyed sense of hope despite losing Prince Fielder to the Tigers, and the hope is justified.  After all, the Brewers set a franchise record with 96 wins in 2011, advanced to the NLCS, and were within two games of making the World Series for the first time since 1982.  Furthermore, all five starters, as well as the Brewers’ set-up man Francisco Rodriquez and closer John Axford – whose one-two punch baffled opponents down the stretch last season – are returning this year, making this the first spring training in memory with no key openings on the pitching staff. 

Yovani Gallardo and Zack Greinke return as the likely number one and two starters, and Randy Wolf and Chris Narveson should handle the back end of the rotation.  The big question mark that isn’t getting a lot of attention is Shaun Marcum, whose stellar season came to a crashing halt last September and into the playoffs.  Both his velocity and command were off, which usually spells arm trouble, but aside from recent shoulder discomfort, there’s been no word of a more significant injury coming from either the Brewers or the press, so perhaps all is well.  But it does beg the question: why did the Brewers opt not to extend Marcum’s contract despite his wishes to do so?  Marco Estrada, who did a competent job as a fill-in starter in 2011, could join the rotation if someone goes down, as could Mike Fiers, who had a tremendous second half in Triple-A last season.

Brewer relievers didn’t give up a lead after the 7^th inning from July 4^th on last season, and with Rodriguez and Axford set to return, the only question marks on the Brewers’ staff are the middle relievers.  After LaTroy Hawkins and Akashi Saito signed elsewhere in the offseason, the Crew picked up Jose Veras from Pittsburgh.  Right-handers Frankie De La Cruz and Kameron Loe are sure to be in the mix as well, and unlike last season, the Brewers hope to carry a consistent lefty in the pen, with Manny Parra and Zack Braddock looking to make the cut.

Ultimately, the success of the Brewers’ 2012 season will likely hinge on the corners, where newly signed third baseman Aramis Ramirez will join first baseman Mat Gamel.  It’ll be interesting to see how Ramirez, who’s coming off an effective season for a subpar Cubs team, hits at Miller Park behind the league’s MVP.  Gamel, who’s only played sporadically in the majors, will finally get his due after another great season in the minors.  Utility infielders Travis Ishikawa, who was acquired in the off-season, and Taylor Green, who filled in nicely late last year as a utility man, will likely complete the infield roster, and both are getting experience at first base should Gamel become injured or underperform.  Right fielder Corey Hart could see some playing time at first as well.  Ishikawa and Green may be key, as second baseman Rickie Weeks is prone to injury, and newly acquired shortstop Alex Gonzalez’s will need to sit out from time to time.  Gonzalez is hardly an improvement at the plate over last year’s Yuniesky Betancourt, but he is a defensive upgrade, something the Brewers focused on this winter after the four regular infielders last season committed on average an error every two games.

Like the pitching staff, the entire outfield returns, including Braun in left, Corey Hart in right, and the centerfield platoon of Nyjer Morgan and Garlos Gomez.  Norichika Aoki, acquired from Japan primarily to fill in for Braun if suspended, will now likely start the season in right since Hart just had successful arthroscopic knee surgery.  Also in the mix is Logan Schafer, a September call-up last season who had an impressive 2011 in Triple A.

Jonathan Lucroy returns as catcher with backup George Kottaras.  Lucroy struggled offensively in the last half of 2011, but his command behind the plate improved, particular his ability to block balls.  However, he only threw out only 21 percent of would-be base stealers, a statistic he’s sure to focus on in 2012.

One big concern for the Crew is its propensity to strike out.  Gomez struck out a whopping 26% of his plate appearances, and Hart wasn’t much better, striking out 21% of the time.  Not a great stat for a leadoff hitter.  Rickie Weeks struck out more than Prince Fielder, despite having 130 fewer at-bats, and Matt Gamel hasn’t shown great plate discipline thus far in the majors or minors. 

My predictions for the Brewers 2012 season:

Team MVP: Aramis Ramirez

Team Ace: Yovanni Gallardo

Team's 2012 record: 91-71

Team's 2012 finish in division: first

Team's 2012 finish in post-season: NLDS

Though history can’t justify it, I expect big numbers from Ramirez at Miller Park (where he has a lifetime average of just .216).  The Brewers staff didn’t have an ace last year, but if I had to pick one for 2012, I’d choose Gallardo.  As for the team’s finish, in the NL Central anything is possible but I predict another division title, though just barely, and a loss to the Marlins in the NLDS.

Published short story now available for your eBook

An excerpt of my young-adult novel, Things I Hate About My Mother, has been published in the debut issue of Sucker Literary Magazine, which can now be downloaded easily to your Kindle, eReader or other eBook device, as well as for your PC, laptop or iPad.  Go to Amazon or Smashwords to start your download.  Over 100 pages of entertaining and enlightening fiction at your fingertips.

The Beagle Has Landed

Singer-songwriter Graham Parker once wrote:

Children and dogs will always win

Everyone knows that

I won’t work with either one again

It’s not in our contract 

These lyrics must have seeped into my subconscious, because for years my standard reply to my children’s request for a dog was a resounding “No.”  Either that, or “Sure, we can get a dog, but you have to kill the cats first.”

Neither response was appreciated.

Some days, after denying my children their only opportunity for happiness, I’d watch the neighborhood dog owners walking their canine friends and think a bit about who I used to be and who I’d become: a man unwilling to get a dog for his children.  What had happened to me?  After all, I grew up with a dog, a hyper Maltese named Butch that peed on my record albums and frantically ran in circles when I came home.  My friends and I chased him in the yard, we let him lick our ice cream on hot summer days (ew!) and we searched throughout the neighborhood when he got away (which was often, almost as if he didn't want to be our dog).

Even after Butch left us for that Great Big Dog Park in the Sky and I grew into a young adult, I considered myself a Dog Guy, the kind of guy you’d see at the park with his trusty golden retriever strutting by his side, its tongue dangling happily, pretty women smiling as a more handsome version of me walked by.  What had happened to that guy, aside from the hair loss?  Why such an aversion to dog ownership?

Part of the answer could be attributed to what can only be described as a double homicide.  Six years ago, my sister’s dog, Murphy, killed both of my daughter’s hamsters, not by eating them exactly, but by using his teeth to play with them until they were dead.  And though the event traumatized us (to this day my daughters block out Murphy’s photo on our refrigerator with a strategically placed magnet), the murders did provide us with an opportunity: a silver lining, if you will.  We now had a clean pet-slate, the equivalent of using a small house fire as an excuse to update one’s living room furniture.  We could now purchase whatever family pet we wanted without worry of compatibility for the rodents we’d been keeping in cages (and whose lids weren’t quite as secure as we’d thought).

Time to get a dog, right?  Nope.  On a whim, we chose a couple of cute, flea-ridden kittens to join our family, and though Murphy’s murders could have been blamed for my avoiding a canine companion, the truth is that in the back of my mind I kept hearing that Graham Parker tune:

Children and dogs will always win,

Everyone knows that

In a sense, I had internalized that lyric, the way one might internalize a parent’s suggestion not to eat yellow snow.  It was just good advice, and instinctively I knew that I, as an at-home dad and writer, would be the dog’s keeper.  I would walk it in the morning.  I would walk it at lunch-time.  I would walk it in the afternoon.  I would feed it, play with it, train it, scold it.  I would be the one left to schedule dog-sitting when we decided to head out of town for a few days.  It was all on me, baby, and I wanted no part of it.

Children and dogs, my friends, will NOT always win.  Or so I thought.  

On a frigid Friday in January, I walked past a friend of mine bending over with a blue, plastic bag as she picked up a mammoth-size turd that her Alaskan Husky had happily laid.

“It’s come to this, has it?” I said to her.  She laughed.  I laughed.  And I thought to myself, “What a silly, silly woman you are and what a smart, smart man am I.”

Twenty-four hours later, I was picking up poop.

Children and dogs

And wives.  And cell-phones.

Not one full day after my little quip, my son and I were enjoying a warm winter’s day, unusual in Illinois, and I was experiencing what can be only described as a joyful mood, equally unusual.  And then I received a text with a photo of a small brown and black beagle licking my daughter’s face and the accompanying message from my wife: “Can we take her home?”  I, in my crazily joyful mood, unable to see anything but the best in everyone and everything at that particular moment, texted back, “Yep.”

And so what started out as a shoe-shopping trip for my wife and daughter, ended up with me picking up Toffee the beagle’s feces later that evening.

Toffee is perfect for us.  Like the wands of Olivander’s Shop in Harry Potter, I feel like dogs choose the person.  At the adoption center, Toffee, with her floppy ears and mournful eyes, chose us, and who were we, the chosen, to say no?

These days I walk Toffee in the morning, I walk her at lunch, and most days, I walk her in the afternoon while my children attend their after-school activities.  I feed Toffee, play with her, train her (sort of), and scold her (lovingly).  And soon, I will be the one left to schedule dog-sitting when we decide to head out of town for a few days.  

And it’s all good.  Sure, children and dogs will always win.  Everyone knows that.  But we adults are the benefactors.

Our cats?  Not so much.

New Fiction: Evan Popper's Lawn

What happens when a man loves his lawn just a wee bit too much?  Find out here.