The Uncomfort Zone: a trite essay on changing one's life (sue me)

In his non-fiction book On Writing, Stephen King writes, "I think timid writers like (passive verbs) for the same reason timid lovers like passive partners. The passive voice is safe. There is no troublesome action to contend with.”

Over a few drinks the other night, my friend and I discussed this idea of passivity in other aspects of our lives, and how we surround ourselves with people who make us feel comfortable.  A passive person will surround himself with passive friends, because for a timid guy, there’s nothing more uncomfortable than a wild, confident soul who meets life with guns a blazin’. 

But of course, chocolate cake dipped in chocolate with chocolate sprinkles on top is still just...chocolate.  And a passive person surrounded by passive friends will remain passive, despite his intentions to do something extraordinary.

We strive for the Comfort Zone.

But the Comfort Zone should actually be renamed to the Uncomfort Zone, because the zone you’re settled in is the same zone that denies you the place in life where you’d actually be more comfortable: having achieved your dream of publishing a book, or getting that degree, or starting your own business, starting that blog, yada, yada, yada.

Successful people surround themselves with successful people.  Don’t like the word “successful?”  Then substitute the word “passionate.”  It all boils down to the same thing.

There are many examples of accomplished people who happened to know each other during their formative years.  Bud Selig and Herb Kohl, Robin Williams and Christopher Reeve, Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones, the Facebook and Google guys, etc., and the drive and passion of these people helped to instill drive and passion in each other. 

When I was in college with a goal in mind, it was much easier – much more comfortable – to head to Schnooner’s for a dozen quarter taps of soapy Hamms than to write that paper, send that resume, attend that concert. 

Twenty five years later, I find myself in a similar predicament of my own making (always of my own making – I point fingers at no one).  I’ve been in a writers’ group for eight years now.  Two of us have self-published books, one has a few short story awards under his belt, a few haven’t finished anything, but none of us has achieved what we set out to do all those years ago: publish a book through an agent and make money at it. 

And here’s the thing: most of the time, we’re all okay with that.  We get together and we read.  If we haven’t written anything that week, that’s okay.  We enjoy each other’s company, we give a bit of advice, and if we do mention specific goals, no one holds us accountable to them.

How warm.  How fuzzy.

But do any of us actually drive the other person to achieve?

I think not.

The website, Live your Legend, asks the question: of the five or ten people you spend the most time with, are they passionate?  Do they inspire you?  If the answer is no, then it’s time to find new friends.

Please note that it doesn’t say, “discard your old friends.”  But it does place responsibility on each of us to leave our comfort zones where we are warm, safe and settled, and try a different tactic that – if luck holds – will only make us uncomfortable for a short while.

I’ve been guilty of coasting through life.  But if I can get enough people like me in a room at one time, then the drive and passion I have will be reinforced.  Unproductive spells will be unacceptable.  Goals will be communicated and adhered to.  Networks will be formed, contacts made.

Onward to the Uncomfort Zone.

My Very Short Story Now Available

My very, very short story, "A Bad Hand," didn't take the award at Lulu.com (bummer!).  In the meantime, since there aren't a lot of opportunities to submit a 600 word short story, I've posted it on my website under the "Fiction" tab.  Enjoy!

Brewers’ Off Season Moves Both Perplexing and Promising

Brewer fans were assured this off season that Doug Melvin and company weren’t going to be satisfied with a one and done playoff run.  Regardless of how 2012 pans out for the Crew – and it’s not looking particularly rosy in light of the very real chance of losing Braun for the first fifty games – the team has been engineered to make a run at a consecutive NL Central title.

This isn’t to say there weren’t some questionable moves this off season.   The highlight of the 2011 Brewers team was its pitching, and while all five starters are returning in the spring, the bullpen took a significant hit, though not as big as initially expected. 

Most surprising was Alex Rodriquez’s decision to accept arbitration, who was unable to find a team willing to offer him a closer role out of the pen.  Although the Brewers weren’t exactly hoping to have him return as a very expensive set-up man, perhaps it’s for the best in light of the two pitchers Melvin let get away.  The aging LaTroy Hawkins and Takashi Saito, both of whom came off injuries in 2011 to make major contributions to the Brewers’ bullpen, were lost to free agency.  Perhaps Melvin decided to quit while he was ahead, the way in hindsight he perhaps should have done with Trevor Hoffman after his stellar 2009 season, but it’s difficult to understand in light of how inexpensively these players were snatched in the open market.  Hawkins signed a one-year contract worth $3 million with the Angels, and Saito signed a one-year deal with the Diamondbacks worth $1.75 million.  Why Melvin thought it wasn’t worth pursuing these players for these prices is perplexing.

Another surprise was Melvin’s unwillingness to sign a two-year deal with Jerry Hairston, whose contributions at second base and centerfield down the stretch and into the playoffs were impressive.  The two-year $6 million deal Hairston signed with the Dodgers might have fit in well for the Brewers, who have injury-prone centerfielders in Gomez and Morgan (not to mention terrible strikeout ratios) and second baseman  Weeks.  The Crew also lost Mark Kotsay (again, for a meager $1.25 million) to the Padres, so utility infielders and outfielders are currently in short supply, and the prospect of losing Braun makes these needs more pressing than usual.

On the other hand, the Brewers upgraded the left side of the infield, which was atrocious both on defense and offense last season.  At shortstop, the Brewers upgraded from Betancourt to Alex Gonzalez – a defensive upgrade only, as Gonzalez is as awful at the plate as his predecessor – and at third the Brewers let go of McGehee and signed Aramis Ramirez to a three-year deal.  It’ll be interesting to see what kind of numbers Ramirez can put up at Miller Park, as his 2011 stats for a woeful Cubs team were exceptional.   And Ramirez might also serve to fill another hole – that left by Prince Fielder in the cleanup spot.

As insurance against Braun’s possible suspension, and as a left-handed outfielder off the bench, the Brewers are currently looking at Norichika Aoki from Japan, and have until January 17^th to agree to terms.  Several other players have been invited to spring training, but the only real question marks at this point are the bullpen and utility infielders and outfielders.  Barring injuries, the Crew’s opening day roster is fairly well set. 

Ultimately, if the Brewers have difficultly out of the pen in the 6^th and 7^th innings, or if an outfield or infield injury comes to pass, fans might cry out to Melvin about the inexpensive players he let get away.  But one can’t argue that the team isn’t in position to be competitive, which is a significant change from years’ past.

For Wisconsin Sports Fans, 2011 was the Best Year Ever

The ’57 Braves must have been something else.

The Packers Championships in the 60s?  Wish I had been there.

The ’71 Bucks.  The ’77 Warriors.  The ’82 Brewers.  Three UW Rose Bowl victories.  Terrific times.

But for Wisconsin sports fans, 2011 was the greatest year on record, and I’m not quite sure young Wisconsinites get it.  They can’t recall a time when the Packers weren’t a contender (assuming they block out 2008).  To them, the Badgers football team has always been bowl-bound.  And sure, the Brewers had some tough years, but two playoff appearances in four seasons is nothing to scoff at.

They don’t know what we know.  We’ve suffered through bad seasons.  Really bad.  Horrendously bad.  Like 4-12 Packer teams, a Brewers franchise that avoided the playoffs for two and a half decades, and...well, you want to hear about bad?  Get this – the 2011 Badgers football team won as many games as in my entire tenure at UW-Madison.  (And it took me five football seasons to graduate!)

I’m not even joking about that last one.  UW won ten games in five seasons.  It was the Don Morton debacle.

So when looking back on 2011, it’s hard to convey to young folks just how amazing this year has been.

Consider the following:

The Packers lost a total of one game in 2011, won a Super Bowl and set a record for regular season wins.

The Brewers won 101 games in 2011, including a playoff run, and set a record for regular season wins.

Both Marquette and Wisconsin made the Sweet Sixteen in the men’s NCAA tournament.

And sure, UW football started 2011 with a loss in the Rose Bowl, but it ended the year with a chance to change the outcome.

Years like 2011 just don’t happen.  Maybe in cities where drinking beer is just a pastime, not a mission, but not in puny Milwaukee and Green Bay. 

So soak it up, young sports lovers.  2011 might go down as the pinnacle of Wisconsin sports years.  A year you’ll tell your grandkids about.  A year that will one day bring a smile to you as you suffer through season after season of botched fielding, inept tackling and sloppy dribbling.

Then again, you might instead recall 2012, a year that shows just as much promise today as its little sister did last New Year’s Eve.

Soak it up, indeed.

The Dark Side of Friendship Bread essay broadcasted on 89.7 WUWM Milwaukee

Press play to listen to my essay broadcasted on 89.7 WUWM's Lake Effect program on Dec 27, 2011.