Paul Heinz

Original Fiction, Music and Essays

Meals and Ulcers: Lyrics

A Fine Place to Start

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

I got my hat cleaned in the Combat Zone
Then headed for the North End
To grab some dinner by the shore
I ran into some friends of mine
Fred and Gertrude Valentine
We shared a couple of beers, maybe more

Rocket Man is sent to me
Through tantalizing frequencies
It sets my tempo at the right pace
It reminds me of a girl I used to know
I wonder why I let her go
But I really can’t remember what I can’t replace

The traffic in this town keeps moving faster
It’s hard to tell these fools apart
Time is clearly not a factor
Time changes nothing
And that’s a fine, fine place to start

I’m living high, living low
Just above the bar and grill
That supplies my meals and ulcers
A good friend used to say to me
What binds you down can set you free
Well, isn’t that the way it’s always been

I made it down to Fenway Park
To check the Redsox after dark
The game was postponed because of rain
Lazy Sunday afternoons
Arrive to slow and leave too soon
Peaceful moments are often a chore to sustain

 

You Best Believe

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

What do you say
You best believe in what she say
She pulled out her hair
She put lines in her face

She cried over telephone
It’s not connected to the wall
She cries in the nighttime
She cries in her day
In her private laughing place

I know your anger’s raging
Lord knows you have your reasons
Don’t let your will be weakened
You best believe, you best believe

No more soccer for you
No more running around town
You better stay right here
If you want to keep things cool

Don’t go to the movies
We’re gonna play a game instead
It’s called how long can you take it
Before you’re out of your head

You best be doing what she say
You best be doing what she say

It’s a point of perception
When you’re the last to leave
No matter what the situation
You best believe what she believes
What she believes

Don’t say take it easy
Don’t say settle down
Just accept what’s coming
And be glad you’re still around

 

What I'm Missing

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

You can try me, spitting out tired clichés
Offering worn out advice
Eagerly pointing the way
To a long road of self-sacrifice

You want me to be your disciple
I’ll just end up holding you liable
‘Cause what I’ve got isn’t worth what I’m missing

I spend my days
Carefully locked in this maze
Counting the hours ‘til night
Pounding out rundown ideas
And never quite getting them right

I start to lose all self control
Afraid to step forward, afraid to let go
‘Cause what I’ve got isn’t worth what I’m missing

I’ve worked on the puzzle
The edges are easy
But it’s always so hard to fill in
Slowly but surely a picture is forming
It’s a place to begin

Maybe it’s time I rebel
And live a life that leads to paradise
Or sends me straight to hell
Cause what I’ve got isn’t worth what I’m missing

 

Boulders

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

Your movements
Your movements are so strong
In the absence of sunlight
You still radiate an image

Your actions
Your actions are so brilliant
More brilliant than all those empty promises I made

And I am floating down a river from the sky
And I am falling off a mountain miles high
Past the boulders I strategically placed
To deter any fascination
With the human race

Your methods
Your methods are so sincere
They make all of my motives seem so selfish and shallow

Your message
Your message was never clear to me
But in the heat of the battle
You filled my insides when they were hollow

I long to hear the sounds
I long to breathe the air
And meet my maker there
And set down terms on which we both agree

I need to understand
This bitter tongue, these blessed hands
And give him back that which he gave to me

And I am hoping against hope to understand
Some of life’s peculiar mysteries, hand in hand

 

The Wild Child

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

The locals asked the wild child
After he’d been raised by apes
Was it horrible?  Was it terrible?
How did you survive this fate?

Oh, it wasn’t so bad
Except the mud between my toes
I often had to search to get my food
But that’s living in the jungle, you know
That’s just the way it goes

There was no living on someone else’s time
No appointments to keep
I played when I wanted to play
And slept when I wanted to sleep

There was no murder, coercion or rape
We almost always got along
It was inherent to do what is right
And damn what is wrong

Now I may go back
To my friends in the woods
Maybe play a game of charades
Those apes play pretty good

Now I may go back
And teach them what I’ve learned
Now I may go back
But I know I can never return

 

The Subtle Side

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

I try to approach this from a subtle side
Not too forceful, not too desperate
And a sense of when I’ve said enough
Collection information for a moment to arrive
I just can’t give it up

There are moments when my thoughts are clear
On a very certain someone
She devours my attention
I’ve a way of starting conversation that ends all conversation

Father told me when I was young
That in the end all you can do
Is do what you feel to be right
And I’m all right

Now you can follow your heard
It’s a game, it’s a game
You can sweat inside, just keep your cool
You can analyze
But you’ll have to cross the subtle side
And redeliver
Now you can talk about love
It’s a word, it’s a word
It won’t stop your heart, so keep your cool
You can fantasize
But you’ll have to cross the subtle side
And redeliver, and redeliver

I’ve held a picture of the woman in red
I’ve traveled many, many miles
To catch a buzz and to catch her eye
She doesn’t seem to notice all my grace and charms
She doesn’t even try

I take rejection with a grain of salt
This may be just the way she feels today
And tomorrow she will turn around
And hold onto the future of a love that’s lost and found
I just can’t give it up

Cause in the end all you can do
Is laugh at life and do what you feel to be right
And I’m all right

 

Burning My Belongings

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

 

Now and Then

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

I didn’t do it
I didn’t do it to impress your friends
I didn’t do it to prove which one of us was boss
I didn’t do it
I didn’t do it to wane your trust
I did it just to piss you off

Now there’s a reason why I find myself in this situation
I’ve been living in the same old town
Living with these same old dreams
Living in the same state of desperation

I love it when you get angry
I love it when your face turns red
I love it when you blame all your troubles on me instead

I didn’t say it
I didn’t say it ‘cause I meant it
I didn’t say it to show that I had had enough
I didn’t say it
I didn’t say it to amuse myself
I said it just to piss you off

Time and time again I feel
That something’s changed I don’t know what it is
Maybe I’m just resigned to think about it now and then
Now and then

 

Inner Signals

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

I don’t like what I’m hearing
Cross country
I turn to switch the dial
There’s just one station I can choose from

So I concentrate on steering
Like many
And I drive another mile
But in my head the music moves on

Oh, and it goes on

Inner signals
I hear each and every frequency
No one else hears a sound
And I try to slow it down, cut the power
But I keep receiving all these inner signals
Long after the volume’s turned down

Some folks have it lucky
They simply shrug it off
And get on with their lives
But my tormentors never go away

You say it’s just a simple aggravation
I can’t begin to tell you
It’s with me every hour of every day

But I keep receiving all these inner signals
Long after the eardrums break down

And when she leaves I hope there’s ringing in her ears
The very same disturbing ringing that’s tormented me for years
I can’t slow down in coming sounds
I fear my life might end in violence
And if it does I hope it does
So I might live my death in silence

 

Truth

© 1992 Paul Heinz - All Rights Reserved

Sideway Sam goes strolling toward Lander
Hands in pockets, eyes in sky
And thoughts fixed on the woman he married
The very reason he’s alive

I used to get such a kick out of him
Hanging out at the bars with those friends of mine
In the short-lived glory of our beer-laden youth
We would run but we couldn’t hide from the truth

The one’s who swore we’d never get married
Found somebody right away
But you can’t fight these things
I guess you can not base your life
On things you used to say

More and more we talk less and less
It seems we’ve better things to do these days than reminisce
We once rode the crest of a spirited groove
We rode but we couldn’t hide from the truth

Recently I’ve awakened at night
To the sight of a woman I’ve wanted all these years
Time to let old habits die and walk beyond my youth
The time has finally come for me to face the truth

Copyright, 2017, Paul Heinz, All Right Reserved